There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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