i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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