She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Did I show you my penis last night?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
