I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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