How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
