I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
