I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
