Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
