...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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