she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
