never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
