I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize