he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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