She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
