I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
