i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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