i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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