Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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