at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
