I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
