my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
