note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
