i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i came on her dog
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
