I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
