Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
