If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
