the new term for farting is butt boxing.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize