I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
