i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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