remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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