I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
