I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize