You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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