I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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