went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
