I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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