thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
