If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
