my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The ass gains better be worth it
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
