Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
