you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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