we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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