Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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