Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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