He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
