whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize