I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
