she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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