i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
