did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Semen is not good for contacts.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
