Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize