I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Randomize
