Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
this is an emotional support booty call
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
