I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
