She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
