yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
the raccoons are back...
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