hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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