I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
