I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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