I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
