A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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